Eternal Recurrence

The greatest weight.-- 

What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 

"This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence - even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!"

Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?

Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a God and never have I heard anything more divine.” 

If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you...

 Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?

from Nietzsche's The Gay Science, s.341, Walter Kaufmann transl.

The illustration is from 

DOUG McCUNE 

One of the things I love about Nietzsche is his unpretentiousness. He criticizes our view of the world quite harshly but he does it with depth, candor and an acceptance of his own eccentricities and the eccentricities of the human race.

In short, he's honest and invites us to not just rationalize life, as many philosophies do, but to look deeper, to understand that our motives aren't always pure but that they are human.

Thought experiments like this remind me that we can't rationalize everything. Some things are best understood with a question or a story. More than anything, he invites us to love life and to live for the present.

So, what would you do if this happened to you?

Would you curse the demon or thank it?

If you had to live life all over again and couldn't change anything, you couldn't rely on the promise of an afterlife. You can't even rely on reincarnation or the hope of coming back as something better.

No, this concept forces us to shift our perspective. There is no future, only an eternal now. Time is not linear but cyclical.

If the only thing you could change was your attitude, how would you choose to look at your life?

Would you choose to be stoic and cold?

Would you watch everything as one watches a movie, with the detachment of a Zen monk or would you passionately throw yourself into every moment and relive the joy and pain?

Would you love the spider and moonlight more?

Would you suck the marrow out of this repetitive cycle?
Would you appreciate or pay attention more?

Would you be more relaxed?
Would you be constantly laughing, delighting at this eternal joke?
When its over, will you torment yourself with the thought of having to go through it all again?
Will you sigh in boredom, "oh boy, here we go again."
Or will you enthusiastically scream, "what a ride! Let's do it again!"

I know my answer, as I'm pretty sure this isn't my first time around, and I'm pretty sure I know Nietzsche's.

What's yours?

Ghosts -- Just because they aren't real, does that mean they don't exist?

In the past week, I watched two shows regarding ghosts. One was the movie, “The Awakening” and the other was the hit musical, “Next to Normal.” “The Awakening” was a horror film about a skeptic who disproved the existence of spirits, though deep down inside, she wanted them to exist. In the movie she said, “We all want ghosts to be real but that doesn’t mean they are.” “Next to Normal” never made any reference to ghosts. It was about a family dealing with a Mother who suffered from psychotic delusions. She believed her son who had been dead for years, was still alive. 

Ghost stories could fall into three categories, horror, paranormal drama or realistic drama. People who love horror get off on being frightened out of their wits by malicious ghosts who have the ability to terrify them to death. Lovers of paranormal drama fall in love with ghosts, want them to be real, and are touched when the dead are reunited with their loved ones. Realistic stories such as “Next to Normal” may never mention ghosts. The ghosts are memories or hallucinations. In “Next to Normal,” a family is torn apart by a ghost they know is not real and the mother goes through a series of horrible psychiatric treatments to help her get rid of her delusions.

Btw, I love ghost stories of every kind. I feel there is always something deep and archetypal about every type of ghost. They appeal to our own wishes and dreams much like vampires do. I think it is because we truly want ghosts to be real. I can’t think of how many times my door opened on its own. I realize it was just a draft but deep down inside, I was wishing it was the spirit of my long dead Grandfather watching over me. We want to believe that there is a connection to our souls that transcends death. Also, if ghosts are real, it would mean that we aren’t alone, even during our darkest days. They are our imaginary friends.

Harry Houdini, the greatest magician that ever lived, made it his life’s mission to expose mediums to be frauds. However, his initial intent was to contact his dead mother. He offered large amounts of money to find a medium that was real, but he proved them to be frauds each time. Here we have an example of someone who knows too much about magic tricks to be fooled. However, if someone did turn out to be the real thing, he was willing to offer them large sums of money. Deep down inside, he was looking for the genuine article. He never found him or her.

Until modern times, almost every society that ever existed; from ancient pagan cultures, to native tribal cultures, to Christian religions, believed in an afterlife. Coincidentally, most cultures attribute the start of winter or the end of fall as a time for the spirits to visit the living or to move on to the afterlife. I always find it fascinating that my Pagan, Christian and Native American friends celebrate a day where they give reverence to the dead all around the same time. In American culture, children dress up in costumes and haunt other people’s houses. They get candy in exchange for not playing tricks on the members of the household. Are we training our children to become mafia leaders when they grow up? Just kidding, I digress. While Halloween is a commercialized version of all these holidays, the truth is we all seem to need one day or more to pay homage the paranormal.

So the question that arises in my creative, rambling mind is: Just because ghosts aren’t real, does that mean they don’t exist? In the musical I just watched, “Next to Normal,” a ghost that didn’t exist was able to cause trauma to a family. If he wasn’t real, how did he manage to do this? To the writer of the musical, he was very real. He even cast an actor to play him. He wasn’t just a delusion; he was a metaphor. He didn’t just haunt the psychotic woman. In the end, we see how he haunted everybody. Yet, it was very clear that he wasn’t real. At some point in the musical, the mother complained that taking the delusion out of her head didn’t work because it wasn’t in her mind.  It was in her soul. Who can blame a grieving mother for harboring a ghost of a child she loves in the deepest parts of her spirit?

In Buddhism, no one really dies. We all share the same energy. Buddhists learn to accept death as an inevitable cycle, but there is no need to let go because nothing ever leaves and nothing ever dies. Death itself is an illusion. So if death doesn’t exist, is it real?

When I went on the Ghost Tours during my visit to New Orleans, I learned that ghosts are a powerful energy of something traumatic left behind. The haunted areas were more like historical landmarks where very bad things happened. Something still existed, a horrible memory that refused to die.

To those of us who write fiction, we create ghosts. We use them as metaphors. They remind us of people we loved. They help us let go or deal with the unknown. Malicious ghosts represent what we abhor or can’t face. We use them as archetypes and create myths and legends around them. They help us explain concepts that can only be understood through the use of stories. We shape them out of thin air even though they aren’t real. Yet, in the worlds we create, they exist. 

Society's Obsession with Violence and Psychopaths

I remember something that happened when I was about 7 or 8 years old.  We were at a party at a friend of the family’s house.  My brother and I were hanging out with a girl we just met, probably in her preteens or a teenager but she was large and robust and I thought she was quite cool.  Suddenly, two moms started arguing over their children.  One child was mean to the other one and they were shouting and screaming at each other about how horrible the other's child was.  Next thing I knew, a cat fight broke out.  I saw hair flying and skin scratching and a lust to destroy the other woman.  Someone tried to break up the fight unsuccessfully.  He got pulled in and each time someone tried to break the fight up, they got pulled in as well.  Next thing I know, a rumble forms.  My brother and I watched this like spectators enjoying a football game.  I even recall our new friend jumping in and beating the shit out of someone else.  It was quite a sight.  People sitting on top of other people, bashing their brains in, women getting their hair pulled, men throwing punches, kids, women, men, all using this opportunity as a way to test their fighting skills.  Finally, a large man broke up the fight, speaking loudly about how we are friends and adults and how a lot of them should be ashamed of themselves.  Just like that, the fight was over. 

My parents were inside the whole time.  They missed everything.  The party went on as usual and people talked about it.  We saw the girl we were hanging out with and remarked at how brutal she was in the fight.  She seemed pretty proud of herself. My father asked us if we joined in and we said no, we just watched and he said, “good.  Stay out of trouble.”

I remember imagining being in that mob and wondering if I would be a fighter or if I would get my ass kicked.  I was amazed at how many people joined in.  I lived in Sydney at the time.  Kids liked to play rough and it was fun.  Fighting was part of playing and rugby and bullrush were a huge part of the playground games.  Adults didn't regulate how rough kids played.  No one saw the fight as weird or shameful.  It started and ended.  No one tried to sue anyone else. 

We have in us the genes of hunters.  We are territorial and we start battles and wars over turf and country. Some of us have romantic notions of violence and it perpetuates our media, our movies, and our stories.  This is what I think of when I look back on that memory.  I recall that the adults were being just as violent and aggressive as the kids.

As writers, we make choices. Vampire writers have a plethora of themes to explore, seeing how the vampire is such a great symbol of the human dark side. Violence is praised in art and the media. Audiences love a great psychopath, except in real life when he is killing and raping our loved ones. It is society’s obsession with a good bad guy that has caught my attention lately. This theme is a highly explored subject in literature today. The scary part is that many teenagers are embracing this theme and I almost feel obliged to warn them not to fall into the romantic notion of a mysterious bad guy who’s really a vampire vegan deep down inside. He wants to eat you, but he won’t because he loves you. My experience with sociopaths has taught me otherwise.

In my vampire novella, people either love or hate my protagonist, Linda. I’ve seen her adored and bashed by reviewers. One lady even said that she couldn’t read on because she hated her so much. I suppose I wanted to portray evil as it really was. Just because someone appears sympathetic, it doesn’t mean that they won’t seduce you, then eat you in cold blood. I also see audience members fall in love with Linda and her lack of shame for being the killer she is.

I think there is a part of many of us who wish that we could act like a sociopath. We want to punch our boss in the mouth for acting condescending. Or we want to kill that guy who tried to steal our girlfriend, but we don’t. We know there are consequences. However, on TV people do it all the time. They follow through on the actions we wish we could do ourselves and that’s why violence is so entertaining. The other possibility is that we really believe that fighting and killing will solve all our problems and reading and watching stories that involve these things make life more worthwhile. If that's the truth, then we are pretty screwed. Maybe we write about violence because we simply see it everywhere. We want to make sense of it somehow. I have nothing against books that have sympathetic vampire characters. Truly, we all have a little bit of good and evil in us. We’ve all done something bad and we all deserve forgiveness. The human condition (and the vampire condition) is such a complex subject and can be explored for ages.

One thing I know for sure is, we are too obsessed with the notion of violence being the answer to anything. Violence usually leads to more violence and destruction. It's unhealthy, yet for some reason people thirst for it. I suppose that we are starting to realize that violence isn't something that will perpetuate our race. However, violence seems to be inherent in nature and in evolution. Recently, I took a vacation at the Sequoia redwood forest, home of the world's largest trees. These trees survive on destruction. Forest fires help them procreate and it destroys their competition. They're immunity and reliance on the destructive fires enable them to survive for hundreds of years. From the destruction of others, they find life. We eat life so we can survive. We kill plants and animals. We crush bugs and kill bacteria with our lotions and antibiotics. We are violent by nature. It seems to be an unavoidable phenomenon, whether or not we are aware of it. Now I'm rambling. My mind can go on and on regarding this subject but I think I'll stop here.

To read more about why people love vampires, check out this blog:  http://laceyreah.blogspot.com/2011/12/many-philosophies-of-vampires.html

Entitlement vs. Responsibility

So I've been really into TEDtalks lately.  I guess I like them because I can listen to them while I clean or cook and I know I will always get a quality talk.  With so much crap on the media today, it's nice to have a place to go to where I can get some quality talks from quality people at any time.  It is like getting free college lectures without the tuition or the stress of test taking.

So an African scholar did a speech about how to teach our leaders to lead.  He was talking about the atrocities he witnessed in his country due to unethical or cruel leaders.  He realized that there was a ruling class, an elite group of people and he went to the colleges and the universities where they studied and noticed that many are taught, "entitlement over responsibility."

Those two words really stuck with me, entitlement and responsibility.

I think about when the word entitlement is used the most.  Heck I've even used it when I say "everyone is entitled to their own opinion."  I usually say it when two people disagree and usually, we say that there is no right or wrong but everyone has their own perception.  Is this true?  I asked myself this and I had to admit that it isn't true.  It is just our way of dealing with difficult people.  Often these people have limited or prejudice opinions and I'm often hurt when others have opinions about hurting another and think it is okay.  Those with the most hurtful opinions are the most aggressive to those who oppose them.  They are usually the ones who say they are entitled to their opinions the most.

Is someone who believes that it is his right to neglect his children or pets entitled to his opinion?  Maybe.  Is someone who believes that someone of another race, creed, gender or religion is inferior or less human than him entitled to his own opinion?  Is someone who believes in hate crimes entitled?  I have heard people who believe in these things say they are entitled.  I've heard many more say that they are entitled to litter, to scour the environment and to destroy the habitat of other animals.

Yes we have rights but we don't have the right to hurt another.  But, you can't not hurt anyone. People are sensitive.  The slightest word can hurt one type of person or another.  I am guilty of this.  Everyone is but what if you replace the word ENTITLED with RESPONSIBLE.

I am responsible for my human rights.  I am responsible for my opinion.

We are responsible for our happiness.  Wow, it makes a huge difference.  A crooked law official might say that he is entitled to beat the citizens because he was given the power to do so but if he started saying he is responsible for beating the citizens, it takes on a whole new meaning.

Saying that you are responsible rather than entitled makes you ask questions.  Are my thoughts and opinions the best ones for me and for society?  Am I using my power wisely?  You know how they say, "With great power comes great responsibility."  

Thinking responsibly puts more power into your hands.  It is what separates the real leaders from the bullies and the compassionate from the selfish.  It makes us stop asking why me?  Why isn't the world working the way it should?  It makes us start asking, what can I do to fix my situation?  What can I do to help society function in a way that better suits me?

You are entitled to be responsible.

I Can See The Future

I can see the future. I time travel in my sleep.

I guess this could be considered a gothic blog because it deals with mortality. It could also be considered a science fiction blog because it deals with the future. It could also be considered a spiritual blog because it deals with the truth.

The truth is, we are all going to die, and not the way we think we will. People like to think that we are all going to kick the bucket in December 2012. Really, we’re all in denial. The truth is much sadder than that, so sad that we refuse to deal with it. We want it to all end at once because that would save us the heartache.


The truth is we are all going to die at different times. The ones who remain alive will have to deal with the loss of those who die. Then they will die as more are born. That is the truth. What more is there to say about the future?


The truth is, we all know this deep down inside. It lies in the subconscious of every relationship. We all deal with this inevitability in different ways. Some of us push everyone away, opting to die alone over having to watch someone die. Some of us put our faith in the end of the world so we can all die together. Some of us try not to love each other as much because we fear it will hurt us more if we lose them. But deep down inside we know that you can't love someone just a little bit. You have to love them completely. There is no other way. So when you obsess over the petty little things, remember this truth.

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go. 

- Mary Oliver

TIME

I remember an old T.V. show about a girl who was half alien and she had the power to stop time by touching her two index fingers together. A ding sound would chime and everything would be frozen. Then, whoever she touched would come out of the trance but time would still be frozen. What a cool power!!! I wish I had that power. It seems I'm always watching the clock. First I have to be here, then there. It's like a race. I even put aside some down time but it often gets overrun by time you didn't plan for esp. when cars break down and kids get sick and the down time turns into take the car to the shop time and the kid to the doctor time etc. etc. Then one day, the race just ends.


I guess it was the same before we ever had clocks. The sun told the time. Before there was ever electricity, we raced against light. But when that sun went down, we had to stop what we were doing. That is, until we invented fire. Forget about electricity, fire was the big light bringer. I bet ancient man felt so full of himself back then. "I made fire. I beat time. Mwahahhaahahah!" Such fools we are.


Someone told me that time is an illusion but if it is, then everything is an illusion. As long as I live in this reality, time is as real as the night and day. I used to think I had power over it, the way the first inventor of fire did. In my youth, I stayed up all night, worked all odd hours, attended school, partied and kept going and going, wearing our my adrenal glands with the idea that sleep is only for the dead. But nature has a way of slapping you in the face when you don’t listen. I started hallucinating; dreaming while awake and I realized that I wasn’t an exception to the rest of the human race. Then, when I graduated, I slept. I slept for a good week. I went to work and realized that I remembered things better and was sharper than ever. To this day, I have no idea how I functioned on no sleep or what it looked like to others.
We have invented machines that get us places faster and ways of growing food more efficiently. We have formed farms and cities to control nature. As an unintended consequence, we also invented smog, global warming and oil spills. We thought we knew something. We thought we beat nature but nature has a way of slapping us in the face.


Why are humans so hell bent in controlling nature? Is it because we were made after the image of God and we have the urge to create in our DNA? Yet, somehow, every choice we take to conquer time and the elements backfires. So I’ve accepted my fate and have stopped wasting my energy trying to conquer realities such as time. I think that when we are born, we are only given a certain amount of time. It’s in our DNA. We live, fighting it, afraid of the change that will come when it’s all over. It only reminds me how precious time is and I could spend all my time trying to fight it or I can spend my time enjoying every second of this finite life.