What if you woke up one day and found that everything that you had previously believed was a lie

I saw this discussion on a linkedin group. Someone came up with this hypothetical question when she “witnessed the breakdown of communication between people who are passionately attached to their beliefs.” I couldn't read the entire thread which literally had thousands of comments. Some said that this paradigm shift would be the best thing that ever happened to them. Others said it would be depressing or horrifying. Some made references to “The Matrix” and other science fiction stories. However, a few people, including myself admitted that this is not a far fetched scenario. This happens all the time. In fact, it happened to most of the characters in my latest novel.

When I first started writing this story, I was a playwright and asked myself the question of how a cult leader can convince someone to kill themselves. The idea that someone can control your mind so well that you would override the basic instinct of survival just to obey him was unfathomable, yet it has happened so many times in history, and relatively recently with the news of the Order of the Solar Temple’s suicides (this news was recent when I started writing this story). I started writing this play as I researched the topic of cults and brainwashing. As I did this, I came across some remarkable stories and realized there was so much more than brainwashing going on.

As I researched the psychology of brainwashing, I learned that while some people may believe a lie wholeheartedly, others may have doubts but will stay in an organization because that is there home. They may not agree with their authority figures but will still obey them due to loyalty to their tribe. And, as someone mentioned in her linkedin thread, some people wake up one day and realize that everything they believed is a lie. This doesn't mean they will leave. This doesn't mean they will stay. This is an earth shattering revelation because it might mean that everything they gave their life too no longer exists. When I started writing this story as a play, I explored brainwashing. When I explored it as a novel, I examined the different ways people respond when they realize that all they had previously believed was a lie.

When this happens, some fall into depression, maybe even suicide. Others escape, change their lives or turn over a new leaf. Some will deny the truth to the bitter end and live in denial. Some will passionately fight the truth and will enact revenge on those who took away their fantasy. We've seen all of these things happen throughout the dawn of history and no matter how many times we witness seeing what happens when the beliefs of people clash, we are still dismayed and saddened by the results.

In my small, intimate story, I explore all of these things. Through the lives of these different but very real characters, I created scenarios that challenge our own sense of judgment. This book took a lot of courage for me to write and release to the public. I suspect (as pointed out by my first reviewer) that it will take a lot of courage to read but if you ask yourself these same questions and you have a passion for psychology, relationships and adventure, please check it out. Maybe you will find all of your former beliefs of what a novel should be, challenged to the extreme.

Enlightened Ones is now available on Amazon on kindle or ebook format. It will be out in paperback edition very shortly:

Purchase Enlightened Ones here

The Life Affirming Seven Year Cycle

According to Deepak Chopra’s book, “Quantum Health,” we are not the same person we were seven years ago. After seven years, every single cell in our body has completely regenerated. We are simply a clone of who we used to be and every part of us, including our brain, is completely brand new.

So I started looking back at each seven year cycle of my life and wrote down my random thoughts.

When I was seven, I reached what the Catholics called the age of awareness, the age where we can actually sin because we gain awareness of our own actions. I remember my father telling me he would stop throwing birthday parties for me because I had reached maturity and didn’t need them anymore. It is true that I gained great awareness between the ages of 7-14. I attended four different schools and lived in two different countries, all the while comparing each experience with one of the past and seeing how all people are different and how they are all the same.

When I was fourteen, teenage rebellion hit and I realized that my father’s choice to stop throwing me birthday parties had nothing to do with me coming of age but more to do with the fact that he’s lazy. I mean jeez, I was only seven!

Fourteen was the start of my goth period which lasted throughout my seven year cycle. I wasn’t goth on the outside. I could care less for my outside appearance, despite my mother’s fight to get me to wear decent clothes. I must admit my disinterest for material things left no room for fashion. I was definitely goth on the inside. I started reading gothic texts like John Donne and Alister Crowly and William Shakespeare. I threw myself into the existential absurdity of Sam Beckett as I tried to make sense of the absurdity of my own life.

Strangely enough, it was also the cycle of boys. Looking back, I still don’t understand how a young girl who had no fashion sense and always had her head in a book managed to attract so much attention from the opposite sex, but I guess I can chalk it all up to hormones. Also chalk it up to the fact that I got really athletic at this age, which is good because energy is often wasted on the youth and if I didn’t have books and athletics, I’d probably have been in a lot of trouble despite my strict upbringing.

My goth period came to a close at the age of 21, the start of a brand new seven year cycle. I was so ready for change that I left everything I knew and love and moved to the other side of the country. I left behind all my mystical, psychic and witchcraft books to witness the gritty world of art in New York City. Who needed metaphysics when you had art? I also got a tattoo which turned out to be permanent despite the fact that our body regenerates every seven years. Shrug.

This seven year cycle would be all about action. I took my head out of the books to actually do things and make something of myself. I didn’t just read and write, I acted and produced plays. I worked with directors and actors. I stopped playing the field and got married. I had a baby and moved back to Los Angeles to be a mom. I was so many people during this period, you couldn’t pigeon hole me if you tried. Guess I was learning to be a strong, modern woman.

At the age of 28, I reinvented myself. I became certified in fitness and personal training. I became a working mom who could balance the husband, home, children and a job that she loved. Ugh, now that I think of it, I sound like some kind of stereotype of someone with a perfect life but things always look better from the outside. It was a struggle in many ways, financially and relationship-wise. I never lost my love of writing and managed to work on making one of my old plays into a novel which I plan to release this month.

35 marked the start of a new cycle. Strangely enough, that was the year I published my first book, “Fireflies.” I split myself into three people. One is in charge of her business, one writes and publishes books and one is a devoted mother and wife. Strange how I somehow figured out to be everything I want to be and I’m finally publishing a book I’ve been working on for 13 years, while going through life. I’m still in this cycle and if you know what year I published “Fireflies,” you could probably guess my age.

There is so much potential in this cycle. I realize that after the end of every seven year cycle, I look back and am amazed at what I have done and how I have grown. Chopra said that when you have cancer, its never the same cancer because the cells die and reproduce. It’s our memory of cancer that keeps it there. Cancer is just a bad habit. If we don’t heal, if we can’t change, its because we refuse too. We are addicted to a blue print that is nothing but a memory. We attach ourselves to these memories long after the structures have been broken down. I guess it helps that I’m in a cycle of great awareness. I know I can change how I think. I don’t have to stay glued to a little girl who is no longer there. Chopra says there is a world of infinite possibilities out there. What happens next? Sky’s the limit.

It's 12/13/12 and We're Still Here?

The excitement of 12/12/12 is over. Again, the end of the world has not come. We're still alive! The end of the world has come and gone countless of times and I'm starting to realize how bored people are. We want things to change. We want to feel a global shift. We want the economy to crash so we won't owe money anymore. We want to feel a huge planetary revelation because we are currently in a rut.

The big lesson I've learned from living through the start and end of a new millennium is that if I want things to change, its up to me to change them. I can't rely on the shift of planetary movements. There is no perfect astrological alignment that will beckon a time of change for me. If I want change, I need to take action now. After all,  the world can end any second.

Of course, this reminds me of a Robert Frost Poem:

You'll wait a long, long time for anything much
To happen in heaven beyond the floats of cloud
And the Northern Lights that run like tingling nerves.
The sun and moon get crossed, but they never touch,
Nor strike out fire from each other nor crash out loud.
The planets seem to interfere in their curves
But nothing ever happens, no harm is done.
We may as well go patiently on with our life,
And look elsewhere than to stars and moon and sun
For the shocks and changes we need to keep us sane.
It is true the longest drouth will end in rain,
The longest peace in China will end in strife.
Still it wouldn't reward the watcher to stay awake
In hopes of seeing the calm of heaven break
On his particular time and personal sight.
That calm seems certainly safe to last to-night.

How I Can Tell My Real Friends From the False Ones

Lately, I’m learning who my friends really are. I guess I already knew who they were but these things 

become clearer during the hard times. Here are some awesome character traits of my real friends:

They listen: They don’t tell you that you are being negative and shut you down because they don’t want to be brought down by your problems. They simply listen with compassion, knowing that you would do the same for them. They actively care for what you need to say at the time.

They are objective: Most of the time, we need our friends when we have the hardest decisions to make in our lives. Should we end a relationship? Should we move out of town? Should we quit our jobs? While some people have forced their own opinions on me, wanting me to be like them, my friends have never pushed their own agenda on me. My false friends might tell me not to move because they want me around. They might tell me to end a relationship so they can have me more for themselves. My real friends help me weigh my options but they never inject their opinion unless they have heard me out and they are looking at the situation through my eyes.

They don’t judge: I’ve confessed things to my friends that I am not proud of. I have said this through pangs of guilt. My best friends answer back that I am human and that no one is perfect. This doesn’t excuse me of my sins but it is nice to know people who I can confide in.

They don’t encourage me down the wrong path: While my friends do not judge me, they don’t encourage me down the wrong path either. I have had friends who have tried to push me towards a path of indulgence or addiction because they thought it would be fun. Or, they were also living through their lower instincts and they wanted someone to join them there. My friends would never advise me to be less of myself. They objectively point out where I am going wrong.

There is a reason why I am calling this blog, “how to tell my real friends from the false ones” and not “how to tell your real friends form the false ones.” While I know that some bad ass friends will encourage you to help them rob the liquor store or indulge in something you want to stop doing, I’m learning that those kind of friends are no good for me at this point in my life.

I have often looked down on people who cut friends out of their life for bringing them down. I would stick to a loyal friend forever, but now I understand that if someone is always putting their selfish needs before your own, they were never a real friend to begin with.

I have also learned that you have to put yourself out there and be yourself to really know who your real friends are. I tend to have trust issues but as I open up, my real friends  have started revealing themselves showing their support.

I am truly grateful to those of you who have shared your ear and support for all of my silly faults and idiosyncrasies. Thank you. Thank you. You know who you are.

“In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends”

John Churton Collins quotes

Society's Obsession with Violence and Psychopaths

I remember something that happened when I was about 7 or 8 years old.  We were at a party at a friend of the family’s house.  My brother and I were hanging out with a girl we just met, probably in her preteens or a teenager but she was large and robust and I thought she was quite cool.  Suddenly, two moms started arguing over their children.  One child was mean to the other one and they were shouting and screaming at each other about how horrible the other's child was.  Next thing I knew, a cat fight broke out.  I saw hair flying and skin scratching and a lust to destroy the other woman.  Someone tried to break up the fight unsuccessfully.  He got pulled in and each time someone tried to break the fight up, they got pulled in as well.  Next thing I know, a rumble forms.  My brother and I watched this like spectators enjoying a football game.  I even recall our new friend jumping in and beating the shit out of someone else.  It was quite a sight.  People sitting on top of other people, bashing their brains in, women getting their hair pulled, men throwing punches, kids, women, men, all using this opportunity as a way to test their fighting skills.  Finally, a large man broke up the fight, speaking loudly about how we are friends and adults and how a lot of them should be ashamed of themselves.  Just like that, the fight was over. 

My parents were inside the whole time.  They missed everything.  The party went on as usual and people talked about it.  We saw the girl we were hanging out with and remarked at how brutal she was in the fight.  She seemed pretty proud of herself. My father asked us if we joined in and we said no, we just watched and he said, “good.  Stay out of trouble.”

I remember imagining being in that mob and wondering if I would be a fighter or if I would get my ass kicked.  I was amazed at how many people joined in.  I lived in Sydney at the time.  Kids liked to play rough and it was fun.  Fighting was part of playing and rugby and bullrush were a huge part of the playground games.  Adults didn't regulate how rough kids played.  No one saw the fight as weird or shameful.  It started and ended.  No one tried to sue anyone else. 

We have in us the genes of hunters.  We are territorial and we start battles and wars over turf and country. Some of us have romantic notions of violence and it perpetuates our media, our movies, and our stories.  This is what I think of when I look back on that memory.  I recall that the adults were being just as violent and aggressive as the kids.

As writers, we make choices. Vampire writers have a plethora of themes to explore, seeing how the vampire is such a great symbol of the human dark side. Violence is praised in art and the media. Audiences love a great psychopath, except in real life when he is killing and raping our loved ones. It is society’s obsession with a good bad guy that has caught my attention lately. This theme is a highly explored subject in literature today. The scary part is that many teenagers are embracing this theme and I almost feel obliged to warn them not to fall into the romantic notion of a mysterious bad guy who’s really a vampire vegan deep down inside. He wants to eat you, but he won’t because he loves you. My experience with sociopaths has taught me otherwise.

In my vampire novella, people either love or hate my protagonist, Linda. I’ve seen her adored and bashed by reviewers. One lady even said that she couldn’t read on because she hated her so much. I suppose I wanted to portray evil as it really was. Just because someone appears sympathetic, it doesn’t mean that they won’t seduce you, then eat you in cold blood. I also see audience members fall in love with Linda and her lack of shame for being the killer she is.

I think there is a part of many of us who wish that we could act like a sociopath. We want to punch our boss in the mouth for acting condescending. Or we want to kill that guy who tried to steal our girlfriend, but we don’t. We know there are consequences. However, on TV people do it all the time. They follow through on the actions we wish we could do ourselves and that’s why violence is so entertaining. The other possibility is that we really believe that fighting and killing will solve all our problems and reading and watching stories that involve these things make life more worthwhile. If that's the truth, then we are pretty screwed. Maybe we write about violence because we simply see it everywhere. We want to make sense of it somehow. I have nothing against books that have sympathetic vampire characters. Truly, we all have a little bit of good and evil in us. We’ve all done something bad and we all deserve forgiveness. The human condition (and the vampire condition) is such a complex subject and can be explored for ages.

One thing I know for sure is, we are too obsessed with the notion of violence being the answer to anything. Violence usually leads to more violence and destruction. It's unhealthy, yet for some reason people thirst for it. I suppose that we are starting to realize that violence isn't something that will perpetuate our race. However, violence seems to be inherent in nature and in evolution. Recently, I took a vacation at the Sequoia redwood forest, home of the world's largest trees. These trees survive on destruction. Forest fires help them procreate and it destroys their competition. They're immunity and reliance on the destructive fires enable them to survive for hundreds of years. From the destruction of others, they find life. We eat life so we can survive. We kill plants and animals. We crush bugs and kill bacteria with our lotions and antibiotics. We are violent by nature. It seems to be an unavoidable phenomenon, whether or not we are aware of it. Now I'm rambling. My mind can go on and on regarding this subject but I think I'll stop here.

To read more about why people love vampires, check out this blog:  http://laceyreah.blogspot.com/2011/12/many-philosophies-of-vampires.html

It's Not the World You're Mad At

There is a great line in the classic play, Cyrano De Bergerac. It is after Cyrano turns away a publisher. He starts to brag about how he would never bow down to anyone, just for the glory or a bribe. He says that he would rather be alone. His friend, Le Bret, asks him how he came to the idea that he must make enemies everywhere he goes. Cyrano answers, “By watching you make friends.” Cyrano is very eloquent and persuasive, but in the end, Le Bret seems to have one over on him when he says, “Tell this to the world—but not to me—to me, your friend, whisper softly that she loves you not.”

And there lies the rub… I was just thinking about how we take all the little things that bother us and project it onto the world. A lover rejects us. A publisher rejects us. We get a bad review. We don’t land the job. Our boss yells at us. Suddenly, the world sucks. People suck. You might go on the internet and start an argument with someone on their blog. Maybe you yell at someone who isn’t driving as fast as they should or who parked by your space all crooked. You take all your frustrations out on the customer service representative of photobucket. God does life suck! All it takes is for someone to ask you what is really bothering you and you realize that one little thing has turned into the whole universe turning against you.

I’ve come up with a new line that I use when a stranger snaps at me. I say, “I’m not the one you’re really mad at.” It does piss them off more, but you know it will at least make them realize that they are projecting.

Someone told me that, according to a business seminar they went to, it takes ten positive phrases of praise to make up for one negative one. We are so devastated by criticism. I also heard that successful people have an uncanny ability to ignore the negative stuff and only hear the positive stuff. Or at least, they don’t take it too personally.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s just that… well… I guess I’d like to have a friend like Le Brett, someone who can tell when I’m just in a funk. Someone who will say, okay, what is really bothering you? So, really, if you hear me cursing the human race, know that I don’t really mean it. I’m just in a crappy mood.

I guess I’m pretty sensitive underneath this tough exterior. I’d cry on someone’s shoulder if I could but I wouldn’t know where to start.

Entitlement vs. Responsibility

So I've been really into TEDtalks lately.  I guess I like them because I can listen to them while I clean or cook and I know I will always get a quality talk.  With so much crap on the media today, it's nice to have a place to go to where I can get some quality talks from quality people at any time.  It is like getting free college lectures without the tuition or the stress of test taking.

So an African scholar did a speech about how to teach our leaders to lead.  He was talking about the atrocities he witnessed in his country due to unethical or cruel leaders.  He realized that there was a ruling class, an elite group of people and he went to the colleges and the universities where they studied and noticed that many are taught, "entitlement over responsibility."

Those two words really stuck with me, entitlement and responsibility.

I think about when the word entitlement is used the most.  Heck I've even used it when I say "everyone is entitled to their own opinion."  I usually say it when two people disagree and usually, we say that there is no right or wrong but everyone has their own perception.  Is this true?  I asked myself this and I had to admit that it isn't true.  It is just our way of dealing with difficult people.  Often these people have limited or prejudice opinions and I'm often hurt when others have opinions about hurting another and think it is okay.  Those with the most hurtful opinions are the most aggressive to those who oppose them.  They are usually the ones who say they are entitled to their opinions the most.

Is someone who believes that it is his right to neglect his children or pets entitled to his opinion?  Maybe.  Is someone who believes that someone of another race, creed, gender or religion is inferior or less human than him entitled to his own opinion?  Is someone who believes in hate crimes entitled?  I have heard people who believe in these things say they are entitled.  I've heard many more say that they are entitled to litter, to scour the environment and to destroy the habitat of other animals.

Yes we have rights but we don't have the right to hurt another.  But, you can't not hurt anyone. People are sensitive.  The slightest word can hurt one type of person or another.  I am guilty of this.  Everyone is but what if you replace the word ENTITLED with RESPONSIBLE.

I am responsible for my human rights.  I am responsible for my opinion.

We are responsible for our happiness.  Wow, it makes a huge difference.  A crooked law official might say that he is entitled to beat the citizens because he was given the power to do so but if he started saying he is responsible for beating the citizens, it takes on a whole new meaning.

Saying that you are responsible rather than entitled makes you ask questions.  Are my thoughts and opinions the best ones for me and for society?  Am I using my power wisely?  You know how they say, "With great power comes great responsibility."  

Thinking responsibly puts more power into your hands.  It is what separates the real leaders from the bullies and the compassionate from the selfish.  It makes us stop asking why me?  Why isn't the world working the way it should?  It makes us start asking, what can I do to fix my situation?  What can I do to help society function in a way that better suits me?

You are entitled to be responsible.