I'm posting this here because there are other shamanic journeys that I have shared and because some people who I shared this with said they were glad I did and that I should share it some more.
It all started with me coming up with rational definitions of time and life and it took me to a pretty dark place.
Linear time is measured by measuring entropy. We all know that material objects fall into entropy over time, therefore, the movement of time is the distribution of entropy. The universe becomes more "disorderly." Particles disperse more as time goes on. This doesn't reverse, therefore, we are able to measure the aging of things and that's how we know that time exists. For example, you can't break an egg and then reverse that. Once the egg is broken, that's it. Once a body has rotted in the earth, there's no bringing it back. That's linear time. It can't be reversed.
Living things can be described as objects that slow down entropy by devouring other living things. If a fish isn't fed, it dies. It must consume in order to keep living and not rot away. What a tragic thought. By definition, life is violent. To continue to live means to devour other living things, to consume. So is the ultimate sign of compassion the ability to just let ourselves die? Would that do the least amount of harm? The saddest part of this train of logic is that we all fall into entropy eventually. We're all just desperately trying to slow down the process. Everything dies. We're trying to save the earth because we think it will save us, but the truth is, nothing is permanent. Does that mean we should stop striving to thrive and live?
I saw a major ethical conundrum brewing with this thought and I believe a lot of existential pain comes from subconsciously being aware of our need to be cruel in order to survive.
This theme was brewing in the back of my mind when I sat at stoney point to commune with my ancestors tonight. I let my mind go, to speak to whoever I happened to run into and if I found another spirit animal along the way, that was fine too.
Logic cannot be used to fathom an irrational world. You just end up rolling your eyes at everyone and everything.
So I opened another part of my mind, that part that goes beyond logic. I was seeking to speak with any spirit traveling through the ether during this time when the veil between the spirit world and the material world is at its thinnest. At least, that's what many cultures believe.
And as I visited my ancestors, some who have passed recently, I found myself speaking to my great grandmother once again who had given me some of the best wisdom last time as she was a shamanic healer. And she opened me up in my meditative state to feel life all around me. Every herb, piece of dirt, drop of water, etc. has magical healing properties and I could see the aura of everything and how the energy flows in and through us and how it could be blocked and unblocked with touch and hydration etc. As a healer, she told me, I will amaze people by speaking what I thought to be obvious.
Last time I saw her, she said the power of a healer lies in the faith of those who are being healed. People need to believe in you. It's the belief that heals you.
Then as I sat there, experiencing the aura of my stoney nature retreat, I thought I'd see what spirit animal was willing to speak to me, and I went into a tunnel that goes way underground in my search. There was no living animal, just a giant spirit, a snakelike spirit that slithered through the rocks and between them, shaping the landscape of the earth. I tried to ride the worm as I have in the past with other spirit animals but it was unlike any animal I had spoken to before. It was an energy and riding it felt like swimming. It was like swimming in air and land. Then suddenly, there seemed to be no difference between any of the elements. It was as if earth, water, air and fire were all the same, all made of this same ethereal energy. This snake-like creature that seeped through and between everything was the spirit of the earth itself.
And as I rode with the spirit, I felt one with it and I felt that it loved everything it touched. And I realized that to divorce yourself from spiritual existence doesn't mean you stop caring about life. To give up on living means to give up on love. To move on and fall in love with something else. How do I explain this?
It's like our souls keep their body alive because they want to. They fall in love with the feeling of living, of touching, feeling. They fall in love with feeling pain and sorrow, joy and pleasure. To love material things is not divorcing yourself from what is divine. This is a weird experience because I have always shunned man's obsession with the material world. But this spirit told me that to love this earth is a good thing. To want to taste and touch and consume and keep oneself alive is part of the experience of love. It's not cruel. It's a sort of ethereal passion. And when one gives up one's body to move on to other plains, it's because one wants to venture on.
But why, I asked, does cruelty exist? Why do animals fight and compete and kill and go to war? I got the idea that this also has to do with love. Our souls fall in love with what we find to be beautiful. We get caught up in the moment and we battle it out to protect the things we love and violence and pain is just another part of the experience that we came here to feel. It's all still about love.
Somehow the spirits were trying to convince my skeptical, rational mind that our foolish humanity isn't all just biological. Much of what we experienced is felt by the soul and spirits still feel without the body. But when we inhabit a living organism, it's all part of the fun and souls do that willingly.
So maybe it is all about love and I really should take the time to feel, and meditate and just let go more often. Because too much thinking is likely to turn me into an asshole.
Some Buddhist Philosophies talk about renouncing our desires in order to end suffering but according to my journey, that's not what the spirits want. Our desire is not just a physical matter. We do not disappear and become spiritual just because we relinquish our passions. That is not what enlightenment is. Part of feeling the bliss of living is to indulge and enjoy every emotion, just like getting lost in a really good movie. The goal is not to stop feeling the egocentric emotions going through us. When I journeyed into the spirit world, I felt one with everything but I was also in awe of the love and passion and pain that still exists and is a beautiful part of the whole experience.
I think we should be very careful that we do not dissociate or separate
ourselves from these experiences, misinterpreting this as spiritual superiority. We are experiencing what we experience for a reason and to detach ourselves is to dull the experience and disallow ourselves from learning what we came here to learn. Yet, understanding this on a deeper level is also a type of detachment because I am able to feel and live without panicking. I know that it is all just a necessary part of the experience.
ourselves from these experiences, misinterpreting this as spiritual superiority. We are experiencing what we experience for a reason and to detach ourselves is to dull the experience and disallow ourselves from learning what we came here to learn. Yet, understanding this on a deeper level is also a type of detachment because I am able to feel and live without panicking. I know that it is all just a necessary part of the experience.
