Tuesday, October 30, 2012

How I Can Tell My Real Friends From the False Ones

Lately, I’m learning who my friends really are. I guess I already knew who they were but these things 
become clearer during the hard times. Here are some awesome character traits of my real friends:

They listen: They don’t tell you that you are being negative and shut you down because they don’t want to be brought down by your problems. They simply listen with compassion, knowing that you would do the same for them. They actively care for what you need to say at the time.

They are objective: Most of the time, we need our friends when we have the hardest decisions to make in our lives. Should we end a relationship? Should we move out of town? Should we quit our jobs? While some people have forced their own opinions on me, wanting me to be like them, my friends have never pushed their own agenda on me. My false friends might tell me not to move because they want me around. They might tell me to end a relationship so they can have me more for themselves. My real friends help me weigh my options but they never inject their opinion unless they have heard me out and they are looking at the situation through my eyes.

They don’t judge: I’ve confessed things to my friends that I am not proud of. I have said this through pangs of guilt. My best friends answer back that I am human and that no one is perfect. This doesn’t excuse me of my sins but it is nice to know people who I can confide in.

They don’t encourage me down the wrong path: While my friends do not judge me, they don’t encourage me down the wrong path either. I have had friends who have tried to push me towards a path of indulgence or addiction because they thought it would be fun. Or, they were also living through their lower instincts and they wanted someone to join them there. My friends would never advise me to be less of myself. They objectively point out where I am going wrong.

There is a reason why I am calling this blog, “how to tell my real friends from the false ones” and not “how to tell your real friends form the false ones.” While I know that some bad ass friends will encourage you to help them rob the liquor store or indulge in something you want to stop doing, I’m learning that those kind of friends are no good for me at this point in my life.

I have often looked down on people who cut friends out of their life for bringing them down. I would stick to a loyal friend forever, but now I understand that if someone is always putting their selfish needs before your own, they were never a real friend to begin with.

I have also learned that you have to put yourself out there and be yourself to really know who your real friends are. I tend to have trust issues but as I open up, my real friends  have started revealing themselves showing their support.

I am truly grateful to those of you who have shared your ear and support for all of my silly faults and idiosyncrasies. Thank you. Thank you. You know who you are.


  1. I think being told I am full of shit when I am is better than being encouraged that I should do something when I know I can't. But nobody wants someone as a friend who is always negative. Nor is all criticism fair or helpful.

  2. True, though, I'd encourage you to do anything as long as it isn't evil. How would I know what you are capable of doing?