Society's Obsession with Violence and Psychopaths

I remember something that happened when I was about 7 or 8 years old.  We were at a party at a friend of the family’s house.  My brother and I were hanging out with a girl we just met, probably in her preteens or a teenager but she was large and robust and I thought she was quite cool.  Suddenly, two moms started arguing over their children.  One child was mean to the other one and they were shouting and screaming at each other about how horrible the other's child was.  Next thing I knew, a cat fight broke out.  I saw hair flying and skin scratching and a lust to destroy the other woman.  Someone tried to break up the fight unsuccessfully.  He got pulled in and each time someone tried to break the fight up, they got pulled in as well.  Next thing I know, a rumble forms.  My brother and I watched this like spectators enjoying a football game.  I even recall our new friend jumping in and beating the shit out of someone else.  It was quite a sight.  People sitting on top of other people, bashing their brains in, women getting their hair pulled, men throwing punches, kids, women, men, all using this opportunity as a way to test their fighting skills.  Finally, a large man broke up the fight, speaking loudly about how we are friends and adults and how a lot of them should be ashamed of themselves.  Just like that, the fight was over. 

My parents were inside the whole time.  They missed everything.  The party went on as usual and people talked about it.  We saw the girl we were hanging out with and remarked at how brutal she was in the fight.  She seemed pretty proud of herself. My father asked us if we joined in and we said no, we just watched and he said, “good.  Stay out of trouble.”

I remember imagining being in that mob and wondering if I would be a fighter or if I would get my ass kicked.  I was amazed at how many people joined in.  I lived in Sydney at the time.  Kids liked to play rough and it was fun.  Fighting was part of playing and rugby and bullrush were a huge part of the playground games.  Adults didn't regulate how rough kids played.  No one saw the fight as weird or shameful.  It started and ended.  No one tried to sue anyone else. 

We have in us the genes of hunters.  We are territorial and we start battles and wars over turf and country. Some of us have romantic notions of violence and it perpetuates our media, our movies, and our stories.  This is what I think of when I look back on that memory.  I recall that the adults were being just as violent and aggressive as the kids.

As writers, we make choices. Vampire writers have a plethora of themes to explore, seeing how the vampire is such a great symbol of the human dark side. Violence is praised in art and the media. Audiences love a great psychopath, except in real life when he is killing and raping our loved ones. It is society’s obsession with a good bad guy that has caught my attention lately. This theme is a highly explored subject in literature today. The scary part is that many teenagers are embracing this theme and I almost feel obliged to warn them not to fall into the romantic notion of a mysterious bad guy who’s really a vampire vegan deep down inside. He wants to eat you, but he won’t because he loves you. My experience with sociopaths has taught me otherwise.

In my vampire novella, people either love or hate my protagonist, Linda. I’ve seen her adored and bashed by reviewers. One lady even said that she couldn’t read on because she hated her so much. I suppose I wanted to portray evil as it really was. Just because someone appears sympathetic, it doesn’t mean that they won’t seduce you, then eat you in cold blood. I also see audience members fall in love with Linda and her lack of shame for being the killer she is.

I think there is a part of many of us who wish that we could act like a sociopath. We want to punch our boss in the mouth for acting condescending. Or we want to kill that guy who tried to steal our girlfriend, but we don’t. We know there are consequences. However, on TV people do it all the time. They follow through on the actions we wish we could do ourselves and that’s why violence is so entertaining. The other possibility is that we really believe that fighting and killing will solve all our problems and reading and watching stories that involve these things make life more worthwhile. If that's the truth, then we are pretty screwed. Maybe we write about violence because we simply see it everywhere. We want to make sense of it somehow. I have nothing against books that have sympathetic vampire characters. Truly, we all have a little bit of good and evil in us. We’ve all done something bad and we all deserve forgiveness. The human condition (and the vampire condition) is such a complex subject and can be explored for ages.

One thing I know for sure is, we are too obsessed with the notion of violence being the answer to anything. Violence usually leads to more violence and destruction. It's unhealthy, yet for some reason people thirst for it. I suppose that we are starting to realize that violence isn't something that will perpetuate our race. However, violence seems to be inherent in nature and in evolution. Recently, I took a vacation at the Sequoia redwood forest, home of the world's largest trees. These trees survive on destruction. Forest fires help them procreate and it destroys their competition. They're immunity and reliance on the destructive fires enable them to survive for hundreds of years. From the destruction of others, they find life. We eat life so we can survive. We kill plants and animals. We crush bugs and kill bacteria with our lotions and antibiotics. We are violent by nature. It seems to be an unavoidable phenomenon, whether or not we are aware of it. Now I'm rambling. My mind can go on and on regarding this subject but I think I'll stop here.

To read more about why people love vampires, check out this blog:  http://laceyreah.blogspot.com/2011/12/many-philosophies-of-vampires.html

It's Not the World You're Mad At

There is a great line in the classic play, Cyrano De Bergerac. It is after Cyrano turns away a publisher. He starts to brag about how he would never bow down to anyone, just for the glory or a bribe. He says that he would rather be alone. His friend, Le Bret, asks him how he came to the idea that he must make enemies everywhere he goes. Cyrano answers, “By watching you make friends.” Cyrano is very eloquent and persuasive, but in the end, Le Bret seems to have one over on him when he says, “Tell this to the world—but not to me—to me, your friend, whisper softly that she loves you not.”

And there lies the rub… I was just thinking about how we take all the little things that bother us and project it onto the world. A lover rejects us. A publisher rejects us. We get a bad review. We don’t land the job. Our boss yells at us. Suddenly, the world sucks. People suck. You might go on the internet and start an argument with someone on their blog. Maybe you yell at someone who isn’t driving as fast as they should or who parked by your space all crooked. You take all your frustrations out on the customer service representative of photobucket. God does life suck! All it takes is for someone to ask you what is really bothering you and you realize that one little thing has turned into the whole universe turning against you.

I’ve come up with a new line that I use when a stranger snaps at me. I say, “I’m not the one you’re really mad at.” It does piss them off more, but you know it will at least make them realize that they are projecting.

Someone told me that, according to a business seminar they went to, it takes ten positive phrases of praise to make up for one negative one. We are so devastated by criticism. I also heard that successful people have an uncanny ability to ignore the negative stuff and only hear the positive stuff. Or at least, they don’t take it too personally.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s just that… well… I guess I’d like to have a friend like Le Brett, someone who can tell when I’m just in a funk. Someone who will say, okay, what is really bothering you? So, really, if you hear me cursing the human race, know that I don’t really mean it. I’m just in a crappy mood.

I guess I’m pretty sensitive underneath this tough exterior. I’d cry on someone’s shoulder if I could but I wouldn’t know where to start.

Entitlement vs. Responsibility

So I've been really into TEDtalks lately.  I guess I like them because I can listen to them while I clean or cook and I know I will always get a quality talk.  With so much crap on the media today, it's nice to have a place to go to where I can get some quality talks from quality people at any time.  It is like getting free college lectures without the tuition or the stress of test taking.

So an African scholar did a speech about how to teach our leaders to lead.  He was talking about the atrocities he witnessed in his country due to unethical or cruel leaders.  He realized that there was a ruling class, an elite group of people and he went to the colleges and the universities where they studied and noticed that many are taught, "entitlement over responsibility."

Those two words really stuck with me, entitlement and responsibility.

I think about when the word entitlement is used the most.  Heck I've even used it when I say "everyone is entitled to their own opinion."  I usually say it when two people disagree and usually, we say that there is no right or wrong but everyone has their own perception.  Is this true?  I asked myself this and I had to admit that it isn't true.  It is just our way of dealing with difficult people.  Often these people have limited or prejudice opinions and I'm often hurt when others have opinions about hurting another and think it is okay.  Those with the most hurtful opinions are the most aggressive to those who oppose them.  They are usually the ones who say they are entitled to their opinions the most.

Is someone who believes that it is his right to neglect his children or pets entitled to his opinion?  Maybe.  Is someone who believes that someone of another race, creed, gender or religion is inferior or less human than him entitled to his own opinion?  Is someone who believes in hate crimes entitled?  I have heard people who believe in these things say they are entitled.  I've heard many more say that they are entitled to litter, to scour the environment and to destroy the habitat of other animals.

Yes we have rights but we don't have the right to hurt another.  But, you can't not hurt anyone. People are sensitive.  The slightest word can hurt one type of person or another.  I am guilty of this.  Everyone is but what if you replace the word ENTITLED with RESPONSIBLE.

I am responsible for my human rights.  I am responsible for my opinion.

We are responsible for our happiness.  Wow, it makes a huge difference.  A crooked law official might say that he is entitled to beat the citizens because he was given the power to do so but if he started saying he is responsible for beating the citizens, it takes on a whole new meaning.

Saying that you are responsible rather than entitled makes you ask questions.  Are my thoughts and opinions the best ones for me and for society?  Am I using my power wisely?  You know how they say, "With great power comes great responsibility."  

Thinking responsibly puts more power into your hands.  It is what separates the real leaders from the bullies and the compassionate from the selfish.  It makes us stop asking why me?  Why isn't the world working the way it should?  It makes us start asking, what can I do to fix my situation?  What can I do to help society function in a way that better suits me?

You are entitled to be responsible.

Love? What's that?

So I'm having a hard time sleeping.  I always have a hard time sleeping when I'm hungry so I am having corn nuts as I write this.  I  might just have too much on my mind.  My brain is fried.  I played some spider solitaire.  Brain still fried so I went on youtube to see if anything on there would sooth me.  I typed the word "meaning" in the search engine and a song popped up, something about love being the meaning and answer to everything.

When I was young, I didn't believe in love.  I thought that something this perfect and wonderful couldn't possibly exist.  Thing is, I didn't know what love was.  I find that most people don't.  Truth is, if you have love in your heart that really is all you need.  People will fight and fret and seek a lot of power to fill that empty hole where there is no love.  They will blame and wave their self-righteous hands at anyone who does them wrong and wonder why they don't have anyone to love or why no one loves them.  People look and search, thinking love can only be in one place forever and ever.  Love must stand still for them. They must possess it.

Truth is, love is compassion.  Love is everywhere.  It isn't just in one person.  It's in everybody.  I don't mean that we should all sleep with each other.  I'm saying, if you do sleep with someone, it is because you share affection and not possession.  If they walk away from you the next day and never come back, you wish the best for them because you love them.  You do not wish them harm or vengeance.  That is true love, down to the deepest level and anything else is superficial.  To give love is to experience peace.  To hoard love is to experience suffering.  All you see is yourself, your ego, your emptiness.  Anger takes over and we start to identify with our anger.  Our anger makes us who we are.  It makes us special.  We are against the world and those who are not like us.   To feel love is to not expect others to feel it.  We feel it and we let them be who they are.  We don't tell people how to love.  We either do or don't.  Love accepts.  It doesn't expect.  


Once we learn to love, everything falls into place. You can love anything, your parents, your friends, your dog, your kids, the sun, the moon, the trees, the ocean. You can love them, care for them, share with them and experience the bliss of living in a world of harmony. Or you can try to control them or search the world for someone to control and call that love. Worst yet, you can compete with them or compete for someone's affection and assume that love is a game or a toss of a dice; something that only lucky people can have.

That's it. Hope you don't mind my late night babbling.

On Fame, Solitude, and Writing

When asked about their ideal future, over sixty percent of teenagers wanted to be famous. This seems to be a recent phenomenon. Perhaps it is the result of reality TV and celebrities like Paris Hilton, who isn’t known for any particular talent. Most of the teenagers polled had no idea how to be famous or had no talent in particular. They just wanted fame.

Upon hearing this, I look back on my own childhood. I remember wanting to be a writer. I think the last thing I wanted was fame. I loved stories and words more than anything. I thought that being paid to write would be the coolest thing in the world. I foresaw a peaceful life where I sit in my own backyard with only my typewriter as my companion. I wanted success so I could be away from people and indulge in my own fantasy world. Unfortunately, fame is a horrible side effect of success. If people don’t like me, I won’t sell books. If I don’t sell books, I won’t get paid for doing what I like.

Most writers prefer solitude over accolades and adoring fans. These days, we are expected to be highly involved in marketing strategies and promotional activities. Someone once told me that it was the price of fame. I had to remind him that fame was never my ultimate goal.

Yet, everyone assumes it is. They tell me that with my body, I can draw slews of fans if I wore something proactive and posed for the camera. But will that sell books? Maybe it will get me more hits on twitter but will that make me feel like I’ve achieved my dream? Today, I sit here, realizing that the original dream was to be left alone with my craft. If I could get paid for writing, I could escape all the other crap. It was a naïve, childhood fantasy, totally void of reality. After all, why would I want to be the center of attention? Why would I want my private life on display for everyone to judge? Why would I want to hear the constant snickering of people who hate me for being loved? There is something very scary about fame. Could it be that the fear of popularity can get in the way of success? After all, once you have a devoted following, you can lose them at the turn of a coin.

I don’t know what to say to kids who want to be famous. It’s amazing that anyone would want that kind of craziness over a life of peace and love. What happened to the idea of being good at something and getting paid for it? Perhaps kids don’t get enough attention these days. They are brushed aside as we check our iphones. I don’t know. If I were to say anything to youngsters, I think it would be that I hope their path has a heart in it. I hope they aren’t selling their souls to earn the unreliable love of strangers. I know this isn’t much of a blog for youngsters. I mostly just blog about what pops up in my head because that’s what I like to do. I know I don’t do it for the fame. 

I Can See The Future

I can see the future. I time travel in my sleep.

I guess this could be considered a gothic blog because it deals with mortality. It could also be considered a science fiction blog because it deals with the future. It could also be considered a spiritual blog because it deals with the truth.

The truth is, we are all going to die, and not the way we think we will. People like to think that we are all going to kick the bucket in December 2012. Really, we’re all in denial. The truth is much sadder than that, so sad that we refuse to deal with it. We want it to all end at once because that would save us the heartache.


The truth is we are all going to die at different times. The ones who remain alive will have to deal with the loss of those who die. Then they will die as more are born. That is the truth. What more is there to say about the future?


The truth is, we all know this deep down inside. It lies in the subconscious of every relationship. We all deal with this inevitability in different ways. Some of us push everyone away, opting to die alone over having to watch someone die. Some of us put our faith in the end of the world so we can all die together. Some of us try not to love each other as much because we fear it will hurt us more if we lose them. But deep down inside we know that you can't love someone just a little bit. You have to love them completely. There is no other way. So when you obsess over the petty little things, remember this truth.

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go. 

- Mary Oliver

Censorship Thwarted and the Death of Paper

 Borders is closed. Now Encyclopedia Britannica is out of business. The newspapers are also going out of business. Times are changing. I can’t say it’s all bad. The ebook evolution has done wonders for independent authors and you can get news and information at the drop of a hat. I will miss paper. It’s easier on my eyes. I’m glad we’re saving trees but I wonder how much energy we use with all that electricity. I guess I can google that.  ;)

In other news, Papal reversed its censorship rule thanks to many independent bloggers and authors who spoke out against it. This victory puts me in a much better mood. There are laws that make us sick, and facebook is full of links to articles about stupid laws that the government tries to pass. It feels good to know that we do have a say on these things and that we can fight a suppressive law. They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Writers have been waging battles since the dawn of time and if we are censored, we will yell until it kills us. We have written our words on jail cell walls and have snuck books to other countries to be published. Censorship can’t stop us so there is no point in trying. We help societies evolve by introducing new ideas and new ways of thinking.